Relationship Controls

Since my dear friend Kerra is the guru of what not to do in a relationship over at The Levels of Awkwardness, some of us are not so inclined. Some of us need a button or a lever or a complex algorithm to figure people out. Kerra and I have agreed that people need a "relationship resume" (more on that later) that they should hand you upon meeting, but what if you could change things with the click of a mouse? Behold:

Just think if once you met someone you were linked in this giant database and you can increase or decrease your relationship after you meet them. Want to increase your friendship level? Click! Want to take things from the awkward zone to the dating zone? Bam! Want to break up with someone or lower their interest in you? Bazinga! Bad divorce? Delete contact. Done!

I mean you actually had to know someone before this would work. You couldn't scope out a hot chick and change your relationship to "dating" (unfortunately). The world would be complete chaos. Fun, yes, but chaotic. Discuss!

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Relationship Chart

So I've shared this graph with my good friend over at The Levels of Awkwardness. Now I think she's going to do her own version of this, as well as changing the graph some, but here's my take on it. First, check out all the zones:

Now my first thought was to try to figure out where I would put myself, then I realized that it's all subjective. Meaning, someone else has to be the the subject of placement, and it's where someone else thinks you fall. You can't do it for yourself.

• Zone of Pain - Basically you think someone is ugly and stupid. Not much you can do to escape this place.

• Friend and F-Buddy - These are opposite ends of the spectrum. You have too much of one and not enough of the other. If someone is your "friend" they think you're pretty intelligent, but not that attractive. They will help you with your computer. I'm thinking Big Bang Theory here. Otherwise, the "F-Buddy" is useful for their looks (arm candy), but talking to them might make you want to stab yourself in the eye with a spoon.

• Relationship Temptation - These are the extreme cases. You are either so smart or attractive to the point where someone would consider dating you, BUT they don't feel worthy enough to date you or ask you out. He's too smart for me. She's out of my league. Lots of infatuation here, which has the other person thinking "what's wrong with him/her?" He/she has never acted this way before...

• Awkwardness - Now these are the zones where you can mess up a good thing. You have a real good friend that gets a makeover and now they've moved up the attractiveness scale a little bit and you look at them differently. Or, maybe your buddy shows an insight into something that surprises you. One of them betters themselves in an area that they are lacking. You have always thought of them one way, but now they have maybe crossed a line. I think this is where most romantic comedies occur. It's possible to move into the dating zone, but things might end up disastrous and propel your relationship all the way back to the Zone of Pain. Beware.

• Dating - Here is an obvious area where the person has a good mix of intelligence and attractiveness. They are very date-able and dependable. A trial period where you see if your perceptions match up with reality.

• Marriage Potential - Someone that you have dated that the more you see them, the more they increase in both categories. You see their inner beauty and their soul. Make sure you see both.

• Null Set. This is where divorces occur. You have placed someone in a category in which they did not belong, or you emphasized one over the other and there's no balance. Usually you find this out way, way too late. Young people seem to do this a lot. They are so infatuated with one part that they miss the whole picture. It's either that, or if they have passed through the awkwardness stage, that a fear has been realized. He is too smart for you and you bore him. She was out of your league and you're not enough for her.

P.S. And do not forget to recommend this blog continues.