Now my normal situations usually deal with fast food places when I go inside. I am always behind people that not only don't know what they want to eat, but don't even know the freaking menu! Like if I'm at KFC and they're like "oh, they sell chicken here?" or "why is everything on the board up there chicken?" It's in the flipping name people! It's not Kentucky Fried Choices. It's chicken chicken mother f'ing CHICKEN! These same people go into Taco Bell and want a burger and fries. Geez...
So anyway, I'm doing some grocery shopping at my good ole local Winn Dixie. And I'm loading up too. Like my buggy is packed full of stuff for the month. I can barely turn corners. I head to the front and go to check out. It's not even busy yall. Maybe three lanes open, so I get in a lane behind a guy that only has one of those half grocery carts. And the adventure begins...
As I'm piling all my stuff up on the moving belt thingy, I kind of notice that the guy in front of me isn't. Now I'm not saying he was Haitian, but he was wearing the long white, untucked button up shirt and pants that were still wet at the bottom where he got off the boat. The boat from Haiti. Let's just say from my work experience I could look at him and know he was Haitian. He also seemed to have no grasp of how we do things in America.
So now I'm watching to see what he's doing. He only has like 20 small items in his basket and he is putting them up there one at a time... She rings it up. Puts it in a bag. He sets the next item up there. Same routine. He has her ring up every item in his basket one...at...a...time... Now at this point I have EVERYTHING out of my buggy. Mistake, because the show has only just begun. Now he has to PAY.
And he pulls out a food stamp debit card. Of course he does. Now I'm not saying that's a bad thing, because I am going to pay with the same thing. My job pays me so little that I qualify for it. That's how I recognize the card. But the last time I checked I thought you had to be an American to get one. Way to go Obama! On top of that, he has no idea how to use it. The cashier is patient and tries to help him out step by step. She finally gets everything done but now there's a problem. Of course there is. He doesn't understand that you have to buy FOOD with food stamps. Half the stuff he tried to buy wasn't food! So now she has to explain that to him. At this point the other lanes are getting my attention, telling me their line was free. All I could do is make a grand gesture with my arms about how all my stuff is already out.
So now he is having the non-food items being subtracted from his total. Toothbrush. Hair nets. Tampons. Okay I made that last one up. During the un-scanning (if that's even a word) process, the cashier makes eye contact with me and we have a moment. I can only smile and shake my head.
So now we're finally ready to go and we're almost done until she asks him if he wants cash back. In my head I'm like "OH NO!", especially when I see island boy's eyes light up. He understood that much English. So now this ordeal begins because it keeps getting rejected. They try again. Rejected. Now under my breath I start saying louder and louder "you can't get cash back with a food card...". "You can't..." Until finally, hey everyone! Repeat after me! YOU CANT GET CASH BACK ON A FOOD CARD! The manager that had come over like 15 minutes earlier understands the problem now and explains it to the guy. His payment is finally approved and he leaves, driving away in a new car I'm guessing.
As soon as he is out of hearing range, the cashier and manager immediately start to apologize to me, but I won't have any of it. I say to them "Are you kidding? I got dinner and a show!"
Jimmy Buffet nailed it when he sang "If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane."
*Also know as Shit That Only Happens to Me.
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